Dragon Age: A Mage's Journey
by Livestrong0009
Summary: The life of a mage is difficult. The life of a Grey Warden, even more so. Combine the two, and what will be the outcome? As darkspawn begin their assault on Ferelden, it's up to Neria, a mage fresh out of the Circle, to assemble a team and fight against the darkness that threatens their home.
1. Chapter 1

Long ago, in the land of Ferelden, there was a seemingly endless tower that reached up to the heavens. The tower housed the magical beings known as the Circle of Magi. These mages varied from humans to elves, men to women, children to elderly. The Circle Tower, as it was called, housed Irving, the Head Enchanter of the mages in Ferelden. It also housed templars, those chosen by the Chantry, to keep obedient mages in check. Mages who were not housed in the Tower were known as apostates. Templars were also used to kill these beings. Upon arriving at the Circle, every mage had a vial of blood taken from them. This blood would be used to track said mage, were he or she to leave the tower without permission. These vials were known as phylacteries, and they would be stored in a hall called the repository.

Each mage also had the choice to undergo a rigorous test known as the Harrowing, or become a tranquil. During the Harrowing, the mage's spirit went into the Fade, a dream world where all beings, except dwarves, went to when they slept. There, they would face a demon whose only desire was to devour the souls of mages, posess their body, and pass through the Veil into the land of the living. Becoming a tranquil is a process which essentially cuts the mage off from the Fade, draining them of dreams and emotions. The mage becomes a shell, still having their thoughts and memories, but no emotion and no magical ability. Other than that, there was the Harrowing. This is the story about one Harrowing, one mage whose journey would change her life forever.

Her head was swirling, her emotions rampant. Fear and anger towards him, yet compassion and pity for his fate. What was she to do now? He helped this far. What was to happen next?

Neria was an elf. But not just any elf: Neria was a mage. Mages in those days were few and far between, so every mage in the Circle of Magi was treated fairly and equally amongst themselves. But something was different about Neria. She had the will and spirit of many elder mages of her time, yet her youth and spontaneity caught the eye of many senior mages in the Tower. She was something special. Her magic was incredibly strong for her age, and Head Enchanter Irving saw this as a sign: it was time for her to attempt the Harrowing. The Harrowing was a trial that chosen mages had to attempt to earn the right of becoming a true mage. Irving sent Jowan, a good friend of hers, to find Neria and retrieve her for him.

Jowan searched the halls and library for Neria, and found her in the library buried in a book. He smiled, and called to her.

"Neria?"

Her head poked up, and she smiled warmly at him. "Good morning, Jowan."

She stood, and he smiled. "Head Enchanter wants to speak with you. I think it's time."

Her eyes widened. "Really? You think so?" She was obviously excited.

Jowan lowered his face. "Yes. You'd better go. Best not to keep Irving waiting."

She saw his hesitance. "What is it, Jowan?" she touched his shoulder comfortingly.

"It's just…I was brought here _months_ before you, and you get chosen for the Harrowing before me? Don't you think it's strange?"

She shrugged. "I'm sure you'll get chosen soon. Don't lose faith."

He turned from her and crossed his arms. "That's easy for you to say! You got chosen _today_. I mean…What if I don't get chosen? What if they decide to make me tranquil? I couldn't live like that, Neria. Just an empty shell, walking the halls of the Circle, no emotion and no….anything? Just empty and hollow. Could you live your life like that? Could you imagine _me_ living like that?" His voice was getting louder and louder.

"Jowan, calm down." She looked around to see if anyone was watching them. "No, I couldn't imagine you living that way. Have faith. I'm sure that you'll get chosen any day now. But…" she looked over her shoulder. "Well, I should really get going. I need to go see Irving."

He ran a hand through his hair and nodded fiercely. "Good luck. You'll do great." His smile was reassuring, though weary. She walked out briskly.

Her head was heavy as she searched for the Head Enchanter's quarters. She had lived in the Circle Tower her entire life, yet she never knew where Irving was stationed. It was then that she passed Cullen, a templar and one of her very good friends. It was an odd friendship, as templars were mage hunters. They were never supposed to get too close to the mages. But even so, Cullen and Neria were brought to the Tower at the same time when they were kids. She had grown up with him, and she smiled at him warmly. He bowed to her.

"Good morning, milady."

She rolled her eyes. "Come on, Cullen. When are you going to give up these formalities?" she smiled and chuckled once.

He cleared his throat. "I'd venture to guess you're going to your Harrowing. Do you think you're ready?"

"Well…I don't really know to be honest. The only way I was to prepare was to be taught like I was, and to study like I do. So…yes, I guess I'm ready." She shrugged.

He snorted. "You don't seem too afraid. I mean, you know there are demons and spirits in the Fade, right? And you being a…a mage. You're more susceptible to their darkness. Aren't you afraid that you'll lose yourself? Your soul? That the demon will take you over, and then…I'll be forced to…" he cut himself off.

"Forced to what, Cullen?" She raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

He looked away from her, avoiding her gaze. "I'll be forced to kill you, Neria. They chose me to kill you if you were to become an abomination."

She blinked, and her mouth gaped slightly. "You would kill me, Cullen?"

"I would feel awful about it, Neria." He turned his gaze back to her, his expression as serious as death itself. "Killing you would be…the hardest thing I'd ever have to do. But I must follow my orders. Believe me, I begged Greigor not to be the one to have to do it. I pleaded with him to get someone else. But he knew how well we know each other…and he knew that we were friends. That's why he chose me. He said it would make me stronger. I don't know how losing a friend would make me stronger, but…I'd have to do it."

She looked down, and nodded. "Well then I guess I'll _have_ to defeat my demon. For both our sakes, huh?" She looked at him and smiled.

He gazed at her for a moment. She knew nothing about how he felt for her. He desired her more than anything else, but it was forbidden for a templar and a mage to even consider something like that. It tore him up. "Right." He flashed a smile, something rare for him. "Go." He nodded towards the right corridor. "Irving's room is the third one."

She smiled, and nodded at him. Just before she started to walk away, he grasped her wrist and pulled her against him, embracing her. He held her against his armor and breathed in her scent, praying to the Maker that it wouldn't be the last time he'd see her so beautiful. "You'll do amazing, Neria. I know you will. You're strong. I believe in you." He gave her one last squeeze. "Good luck."

She pulled away and smiled at him warmly. "Thank you, Cullen." She rose on her toes and kissed his cheek, then turned and jogged down the corridor. He pressed his fingers to his cheek, praying to the Maker once more.

She got to Irving's door, and entered silently. He and Greigor, Knight Commander and leader of the templars, were arguing about something. She could have sworn that she heard Jowan's name and the mention of tranquils, but before she could hear any more, Greigor cleared his throat and nodded at her. Irving looked to her, and his expression softened considerably. Neria smiled and bowed her head to him.

"You sent for me, sir?"

"Yes, my dear." He walked to her slowly, and placed his hands on her shoulders. "It's time for your Harrowing."

She felt flustered inside, but she nodded. "Yes, sir."

The inside of the Harrowing Chamber was bright with sunlight pouring through great, stained glass windows. There was nothing in the room except for four templars stationed at each corner of the room, Greigor on her left, Irving on her right, and Cullen at the door. In the center of the room was a font. Neria looked at the font, and then turned to Irving.

"Is there water in there, sir?"

He shook his head slightly. "No. That is lyrium. It will send your spirit into a deep sleep, which you will not awaken from until your Harrowing is complete. What is in that font will send your spirit into the Fade. There is where you will face your demon."

She nodded, recalling her past teachings. "Sir, I've heard much about abominations…but what are they exactly? I know they are dangerous." She glanced at Cullen beside the door, who hid his face from her. "And I know that is why you have Cullen stationed at the door."

Irving chuckled once. "You are vigilant as you are powerful." He took a step towards the font, and crossed his arms. "An abomination is a mage who has been taken over by a demon. In the Fade, your spirit roams freely while your body remains safe outside. But if your spirit fails to face your demon and dies, the demon may possess your body in this world, turning you into a hideous monster. That is an abomination."

"How can you tell if a person is turned into an abomination?" she asked him.

"Their form can become disfigured, for one. They…aren't the same to those who know them. They become manipulative or vengeful…a number of things can happen, really. I've seen enough to be able to tell," Greigor responded, crossing his arms.

Neria glanced back at Cullen. "And if I were to become an abomination, would there be no way to revive my normal form?"

Irving noticed the glance, but said nothing about it. "No. There is nothing we can do to restore the life of one who has been taken over. Death is the only option."

Neria started to become nervous. How powerful would this demon in the Fade be? And would it take her physical strength to overcome it, or her mental prowess? How many different types of demons were there? And her biggest question still remained: What was it like to die?

Irving approached her and rested his hands on her shoulders. "Are you ready, apprentice?"

She glanced around the room. There was so much still that she had to do, so much to say to people, so much more of her life to live. She had never told Cullen how much she truly did care for him and how safe he made her feel. She'd never truly said thank you to Jowan for all the help he'd been over the years. And Irving…she'd never thanked Irving for his compassion and strength during her weak moments. How was she to go on knowing that this might be her last moment with these people?

Irving noticed the struggle in her eyes. "Perhaps you need a few moments to gather yourself. I will give you some time. But please, do not be long."

Relief washed over her. "Thank you, Head Enchanter." She had more meaning in those words than ever before. He nodded and smiled reassuringly, tilting his head in Cullen's direction. She smiled at him and walked over to Cullen.

He was surprised to see her approach him. "What is it, milady?"

"Can we go outside? I need to talk to you."

He felt himself blush."Of course."

She stepped with him outside of the Harrowing Chamber, and shut the door. She took in a great breath, and let it out very slowly.

"What is it? Is something wrong, Neria?"

She stared him dead in the face. It was the most serious expression he had ever seen on her. "You know how much I care for you, right Cullen? I've never had a better friend than you in my entire life."

Hearing those words from her made his skin crawl. "You've had plenty of friends. Don't get all sentimental on me. You aren't going to die, Neria. You're going to be fine. You're going to complete the Harrowing, and I'll see you right after."

"I mean it, Cullen." She completely disregarded everything he'd said, which worried him. "You are so strong and stern. I've never been afraid with you in the Circle. I knew you would come to my aid should anything happen. I thank you so much, Cullen for being here with me. For me. And if…" her throat started to close, "…if I don't make it from the Harrowing and you have to kill me, know that I would not hate you for it. Know that I would have done the same thing were I in your shoes."

Neria reached up and grasped his face. The touch of her skin on him burned to his core. He had only imagined a moment like this one, just for a simple moment of physical contact. If there was any time for him to tell her about his feelings, this was it.

"Neria…" he reached down and lifted her chin with his finger. "I wish to tell you something."

Before he could finish what he was going to say, Irving opened the door. "Neria, it's time. It has to be now. We cannot keep the Veil open much longer without the risk of a demon getting loose. Please, make haste." He shut the door slightly, leaving only a crack open.

Neria threw her arms around Cullen's neck, holding him tightly against her. The heat from her body soaked through the armor and hit his skin, sending his worry up further. He wouldn't be able to go on if this were the last time he'd see her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and planted a soft kiss to the side of her head. It was as close as he would ever get to actually kissing her, he thought. He held her there for a moment longer, and then pulled her away from him. He saw that her eyes were welling with tears of fear. He removed his gauntlet and wiped his finger across her face before the tear fell, whisking it away.

"No tears now, my dear. Now you must be strong." He held her face and pressed his forehead to hers. "You are going to succeed. You are the strongest mage in this tower, in mind and spirit, in emotion and physicality. I have so much faith that you'll complete this Harrowing. I _know_ you will. And I will be here to see you when you come back out."

He smiled inside himself, and it took every bit of strength to keep from telling her how he felt for her. "Let that be a motivation for you. Complete the Harrowing to see me again." He kissed her softly on the cheek, barely a token of his affection for her. Then he released her.

She stepped back and looked at him, then smiled. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve, and her expression turned confident. Those words from Cullen kindled something in her, something that would not be put out even with a demon breathing down her neck: determination….or was it something more? It didn't matter. She _had_ to complete the Harrowing, for Cullen, and for herself.

He nodded at her and gave another slight smile. "I'll be seeing you."

She nodded, and opened the door to the Harrowing chamber. She saw Irving and Greigor, obviously becoming impatient. Irving approached her and took her hand, leading her to the font in the middle of the room. "You must lower your hand to the font to enter the Fade. Have faith, apprentice. Soon you will be a true mage. Good luck."

She stared into the font, and slowly began to lower her hand into it. Before she knew it, the lyrium seemed to seep into her skin and she was taken over by darkness: She had entered the Fade.


	2. Chapter 2

The atmosphere fizzled into view, though her vision was foggy. It was as if she was in a dream world, and would wake up at any moment. Then it hit her: she _was_ in a dream world. She had entered the Fade to complete her Harrowing. Before she did anything else, she took in her surroundings. It was dark. The ground was dead and it was hot. There was fire in the distance amidst dark and ominous trees, too far to see anything more than that.

She saw wisp spirits in front of her. They almost looked like stars: tiny, spheric bits of energy masses, hovering in the air. She didn't know how to take them until they began to attack her. They spewed empty energy masses at her, little bits of themselves to take her over. It drained her to feel this energy hit her. She had to fight back.

She gathered her thoughts and spirit, and focused on her surroundings. Pulling from the atmosphere, she drew arcane energy into her hands until a massive power erupted from her, blasting the wisps into oblivion. It was the first time Neria had used her arcane abilities. It surprised her. She went over to inspect what was left of the wisps, bending to see tiny bity of glowing matter on the ground.

"Impressive, mage."

She jumped at the sound of a man's voice. She looked around, but saw nothing. It continued to speak.

"Never have I seen such magic before. And yet, your spirit is still strong. You are...not like the other. Even still, you're afraid. That's something I haven't felt in a long time." He scoffed at her, then transformed before her eyes: from a mouse to a human. She was taken aback by this.

"Who are you?" She held up her hands and began to summon the arcane energy once again. "Is this my test? Must I defeat you?"

He put up his hands in defense. "No, no. I'm not your demon. I'm a simple spirit, mage, wandering forever in this forbidden place. Doomed to walk in this pit for the rest of eternity."

She lowered her hands. "Do you have a name, stranger?"

He paused, and pondered. "Mouse. You can call me mouse."

She raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Surely that isn't your true name."

He sighed. "No. But I have been here too long. I remember not what my true name is anymore. Mice are insignificant. They don't fight. They don't even exist, if you don't see them. Therefore, the name."

"Alright. Mouse it is then. Why are you here?"

"I've already told you. Apparently your brains are not as keen and refined as your magic. I've been doomed to walk these roads for my entire existence. I failed my Harrowing, and my body was destroyed. Then, the demon released my spirit and I had no body to return to. That is why I am here. And I assume you are here for the Harrowing, correct? And what is your name?"

Neria nodded. "Neria and yes, I am here for my Harrowing. What can you tell me about the demon?"

He pondered for a moment. "The demon is relentless, a hotheaded spirit gone completely insane. It is a rage demon, consumed by hatred and fire. It will not have any mercy on you, and you should have no mercy on it either. Destroy it as soon as you can."

"Are you going to help me? Is that why you're even speaking to me?"

He shrugged. "I suppose I could be of some sort of help, if no more than being a guide. I obviously have no fighting tactics, being a mouse and all. But I can surely guide you through this wasteland that those mages call the Fade."

She raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean 'those mages'?"

He laughed once. It was a harsh sound, one that she didn't wish to hear again. "_They_ are what kills you, not any demon in this place. They are the ones who send you into the Fade in the first place, more likely just to get rid of you than to test you. They are afraid of what they don't know, and so they cast it away to die."

"That's not true. Head Enchanter Irving cares about us."

He scoffed. "Really? Does he know your name? Has he ever called you anything except for 'apprentice'? If so, I find that hard to believe."

She thought about it for a moment. Irving hadn't ever called her by her actual name. It had always been 'apprentice' or 'my dear' or some other anonymous thing to call someone. Mouse was beginning to make sense, but only slightly.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "I can see the struggle in your face. It makes sense, doesn't it? Your Irving doesn't care about you more than any other mage in that tower. He sent you in here to succeed. Or perhaps he sent you to your death? He doesn't know which will happen. He has no faith in you more than anyone else. He just sees you as another apprentice. That's what they all think."

She started to consider his words deeper. It struck her that none of the instructors knew_ her_ more than anyone else. That upset her deeper than what she expected.

"And the templars will kill you even if you aren't an abomination." he continued. "The minute you leave the Circle, you are their prey. They will hunt you down and kill you as if you were some sort of animal."

She looked at him, examined his features. He looked like any other man in the Circle; his skin was tan, hair about shoulder length and dirty blonde. His lips were pink and he had on the apprentice robes. The only thing that was out of the ordinary were his eyes. They were black. There was no pupil or color to them, no white outer ring, just black emptiness. She noticed this, and began to quell her fears. Perhaps this was just another spirit in the Fade, trying to trick her. She had no reason to take him seriously.

"You may be right, and you may be wrong. Who am I to decide?"

He shrugged. "You have the right to decide for yourself."

"Do you know where the demon lies?"

He nodded. "I do."

"Are you going to help me find it and complete my Harrowing?"

"I will."

She smiled, and began to walk in the direction ahead of her. He shape shifted back into a mouse and scurried behind her.

After a while, she passed a crater engulfed in flames, and was drawn to it. The heat and the sense that this was the place she belonged was overwhelming. Mouse transformed back to human and grasped her shoulder.

"This is the where the demon lies. Do not approach him until you are ready."

"I am ready. I am prepared. I've waited my entire life for this…" she began to walk again.

He gripped her harder. "And how _exactly_ are you ready? You have no weapon."

She looked at her hands and frowned. He was right.

"Well where can I find a weapon?"

"I am not here to be your seeing-eye mouse. Find out for yourself." He morphed back into a mouse and remained silent.

She sighed and continued forward, though the desire to approach the demon burned within her. She passed the crater eventually, and came to a small hut. She squinted, finding it hard to fully see the hut. Then she realized why: there was an apparition in the way. It wasn't attacking her, but it stood there watching her. Its armor was heavy and its weapon was large. She approached the apparition, but only slightly. She gave a light bow.

"Greetings, spirit."

"Greetings yourself, young mage. Such manners are not commonly found here in the Fade. Are you here for your test of valor?" The spirit's voice boomed throughout the Fade and echoed into the distance

She tilted her head. "My Harrowing? Yes, I am. May I ask what and who you are?"

The spirit pressed a fist to his chest. "I am the Spirit of Valor. I used to be a templar in the Circle tower until I was slaughtered by an abomination that I failed to kill. The Maker himself chose to send me into the Fade, to guide those who come my way, such as you." He looked at Neria up and down for a moment. "I must tell you, I think you may be ready to face your demon, young mage."

"Really? Thank you, spirit. Will you help me face him?"

"First, I think you must face _me_." The Spirit of Valor drew his sword.

Neria raised an eyebrow. "You are kidding me, right? Face you? I have no weapon!"

"How can you expect to defeat your demon if you cannot even defeat me? It would be better for you mages to pit against eachother. What hope do any of you have to defeat a demon if you cannot even master yourselves? Now...prepare yourself."

"No!" she jumped backwards. "I refuse to fight you, Spirit."

"Stand and fight!" The spirit swung his sword above his head.

"Perhaps you'd rather do away with me yourself! Is that was this is about?"

The spirit stopped. "I am not some abomination preying on the souls of those lost in the Fade. How dare you speak to me that way?"

"Then stop toying with me and help me face this demon that hunts me!"

The spirit narrowed his eyes. "You are insolent and foolish…but your valor and strength soar to the heights of the Maker himself. I refuse to fight alongside you, but I will provide you with a weapon that will aid you in vanquishing your demon. Use it well, young mage. Be strong and have faith."

The Spirit of Valor pulled a large staff from a chest behind him, and handed it to Neria. The intricate design of the staff caught her eye, along with the power she felt surging through the steel. She bowed to the Spirit of Valor and continued on her path.

Mouse morphed back into a human and walked alongside her. "Do you think you are ready, Neria?"

She pondered. "I don't know. I feel as though there is still something else I must do before I face the demon." She looked over at him. "Mouse, can I ask you something?"

"Yes, I suppose you can."

"How is it that you can transform the way you do?"

He stopped, and so did she. "You have to lose yourself. I've been lost for a long time. I forget what my true form was, or what I did before I entered the Fade."

"I thought you said you were a mage like me."

"W…Well yes, I was, in fact, a mage." he stuttered. "But I am unaware of who I was and what I looked like. I don't even remember my real name. That is how I can transform. I do not know myself, therefore I cannot hold onto who I was. I can take the form of any animal, any plant. I can do this because I have no soul left."

She nodded. It made sense. No form to hold onto, no soul left to keep pure. "How long have you been here?"

His brow furrowed. "I've already told you I cannot remember. Enough questions. Let's be off." At that, he morphed back into a mouse.

The tone he used with her took her off guard. It was harsh and unpleasant. This worried her. All these years in the Fade had changed him, obviously. They made him cold and unfeeling, the hatred for mages and templars burning in his veins. If there were any way that Neria could release him from his fate, she felt as though had to find it. Even if his body was destroyed, there was no reason he should be denied peace at the Maker's side. She did not divulge these thoughts to Mouse, however.

Along the path, the duo passed a large sleeping bear, or so they thought. It's body was massive, yet it looked as though it had contracted some type of disease. Its fur was growing in patches and there were large, sharp spikes lining its body.

"Who art thou?" A deep voice erupted from the bear, catching Neria off guard. She glanced at Mouse, who had shape shifted into a human, and he shook his head. This was not her demon.

"My name is Neria, spirit bear."

"Here for thy Harrowing challenge, I assume?"

"Yes, sir."

The great bear stood, standing at least a head taller than Neria. This frightened her.

"Perhaps you could assist me, great bear. I could use one of such strength on my side."

The bear laughed. "And why wouldst I help thee? What hast thou done for me?"

"I could try to free you from this state. Free you from the Fade. What could you offer me?"

"Thee, nothing. But thy companion in the distance…He hath been here longer than thee. Decades longer. He hath lost himself here in this place."

"Yes. This is Mouse. He has been here longer than me. What can you offer him?"

The bear stretched, and sat on his rear. "I could help him transform into a bear, if I desired."

"And do you desire this?" she hoped with all her might that he would say yes.

"I do not. Such tiresome questions. Be gone, young one. Thou hast interrupted my nap." The bear plopped back down and turned away from her.

Neria looked toward Mouse with a confused expression. He shrugged at her. "He's a demon of sloth. He'll avoid any form of effort for anything."

Neria furrowed her brow and poked the bear in the rear end with her staff. He let out a low growl. "Why dost thou pester me? I have nothing for thee."

"Please, spirit bear. I need assistance. Please...teach Mouse how to be a bear."

The demon of sloth rolled over and stood on four legs. He flashed his teeth. "Not unless thou canst defeat me. If thou canst best me, I will teach thy companion of my form."

"And if I cannot defeat you?"

"Then I will have a fine meal." The bear growled.

Neria swallowed, and drew her staff. "Prepare yourself, bear."

The bear laughed heartily, and then stood on his hind legs, letting out a great, bellowing roar. Then, he leapt for her throat.

Neria, being of such great reflexes, managed to spear the bear in the stomach just before he caught her by the neck. He groaned, and fell on his side. When he got up, Neria had already summoned the power of arcane magic into her staff, and was ready to slaughter him with it. The bear looked at her staff, and then her. He lunged again at her, and she jumped just before he hit her, pounding the tip of her staff into the bears back, sending the arcane energy coursing through him. He bellowed again, this time in pain. He then plopped onto his backside and huffed once.

"Such a fine meal, gone to waste. Very well. Enough of this pointless fighting. I can see that thou will defeat me in a moment if I do not surrender." He sighed. "I will teach thy companion of my form."

Mouse took a step back. "I…I'm not sure if this is a good idea. I'm not a very good learner. No…This is a bad idea."

The bear snarled. "Take my help or leave it. If thou dost not want it, then leave me be. If thou dost want it, then come."

Neria elbowed him in the stomach. "I'm going to need all the help I can get from you. Please, at least try."

Mouse took a deep breath, and then stepped forward. "Alright. What must I do?"

The bear stood on his hind legs and crossed his massive arms across his chest. "Release all thoughts from thy mind. Think of nothing in this place, think not of thy companion here, or any in thy past. Think of nothing."

Mouse closed his eyes and exhaled deeply.

"Now. Stay still." The bear approached him then, and breathed heavily against his face. Thoughts of wildlife and nature flooded into Mouse's mind, captivating his thoughts and sending his pulse flying. He felt strong and mighty, and a roar erupted from his throat, something he wasn't sure how to handle. It was as though life had surged through him again, and it was a feeling that he didn't expect. He opened his eyes, and found himself incredibly close to the ground. And he felt very heavy.

"Did it work? Am I a bear? It feels...heavy."

The bear lay back down on the ground, and grunted. "Be gone, now. Do not return to me."

Neria gaped at Mouse, and a smile spread across her face. "How do you feel?"

He sighed. "Amazing. I've…never felt like this before."

"I'm glad. Now you can assist me. Perhaps we can find a way to get you out of here."

"That would be…more than I've ever hoped for. Thank you."

Neria nodded, and jogged off in the direction of the flaming crater. Mouse followed her.

She arrived at the crater some time later, and the impulse hit her again: this is where she was to be. This was the demon's lair. Mouse shape shifted and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Wait a moment. I wish to say something."

She turned around. "What is it?"

He took a deep breath. "I'm so glad to have met you here, Neria. You have… sparked a life in me that I didn't think was possible. You've given me hope in a place where…where hope does not exist. You've been a good companion and an inspiration and I thank you so much for that. I will fight this demon alongside you, until the death."

She nodded once, slightly moved by his words. "Thank you, Mouse. Are you ready?"

He nodded, and shape shifted into a bear, letting out a mighty roar. She grinned and approached the crater.

The heat emanating from this crater was excruciating. She looked around her, and sighed sadly. Trees and bushels were burning uncontrollably, all the life from this part of the Fade had been drained by this unforgiving fire. Whatever demon lay here, it was strong and it was angry. She drew her staff when she saw the ground bubbling in front of her, and a mighty rage demon drew itself from the ground. She gasped slightly, but summoned arcane energy silently.

The demon laughed. "This is the best that Irving has to offer me?"

"Speak not, demon, but prepare for battle!"

The demon blinked, and looked past her at Mouse. "Mouse? Is that you?" The demon chuckled. "And I thought you were finished bringing me victims. Have you not had your satisfaction of blood yet?"

Mouse growled. "This has nothing to do with my past, demon. I'm through with killing innocents. Now, I kill you."

The demon laughed, and Neria watched it in horror. The rage demon didn't have a human form; it was a mass of flame and lava. Its eyes burned into her soul when it looked at her. She shuddered.

"Are you ready to die, mage?"

She seemed to get lost the demon's gaze. "I will not die here."

"We will see. Perhaps the spirit bear will get his meal after all. And I will feast on your soul."

The demon gazed at her again, and she used that moment to unleash the arcane energy that she had been summoning all that time. It blasted the demon backwards, and he snarled. Wisp spirits had approached from all corners of the crater, and they were unleashing their energy at her, spewing bits of themselves to weaken her. She looked at Mouse.

He snarled. "I will finish the wisps. You kill the demon." She nodded, and approached the demon, now standing.

"You will die here, mage. You will suffer and burn at my hand."

She realized that while this demon was talking, he was not defending himself. It was the perfect opportunity. She lashed out with her staff, catching the demon by the head and whipping him to the ground. The demon grunted, and grasped her by the ankle, instantly burning her. She yelped, and crushed the demon's head with the butt of her staff. Then she dove backwards. Mouse was there to catch her.

"Are you alright?"

She whimpered. "My leg…Nothing…it's fine…" She tried to stand. Her leg was on fire, and Mouse tried desperately to stop the flame. He did eventually, but not before the burn had progressed deeply into her skin. She grunted, pushing through the pain and back to the demon. It was laughing at her pain, rubbing his hands together. She shouted loudly and began a furious attack on the demon, hitting it repeatedly with her staff.

After a moment, she realized that she was doing no damage this way. The demon blocked every move, ever swat and push and beating that she put forth. Then…why had it worked before? She jumped back for a moment, surveying the demon. It laughed.

"You cannot defeat me! I am impervious to all of your attacks!"

She watched as the demon raised its arms above his head and scoffed. She spied a small, radiant light from within the demon's chest. At that moment, she recalled something in one of her previous lessons. "Every demon has an essence. To defeat said demon, an essence must be removed from the demon's form."

Neria's eyes widened, and she grinned. That was the key to the demon's death. She had to get the essence out.

Just then, a fireball flew into Neria's stomach, knocking the wind out of her. She fell to her knees and coughed, gasping for the air that had escaped her. Mouse snarled.

"You will not kill her." He lunged for the demon, and the two of them fought until Neria had regained herself. When she looked to Mouse, she was surprised.

He wasn't burning. He wasn't even singed. Why was it that she had been burned, but he didn't have a mark on him? Peculiar…

Mouse looked back at her to see that she was alright, and the demon took the opportunity to attack him, smashing a flaming arm into the side of Mouse's head. He fell to the ground, unconscious.

Neria breathed in deeply. This was going to take a lot of magic. She closed her eyes, turned her face to the sky and exhaled. Then she began a furious incantation that she was taught back in her defensive classes. This was an incantation for the most powerful arcane art that she knew of so far, and as soon as she began to mutter it, she could feel the magic draining from her. She pushed through the weakness, mumbling and whispering the words into the air, feeling her staff grow heavy with the weight of the magic. The demon began to laugh again.

"You are weak! You will never make it out of here alive! I will kill your body and burn it to ashes, and I will feast on your soul! You will be lost in the Fade for all eternity, just like your pitiful friend _Mouse!"_ It laughed evilly, the sound echoing throughout the Fade.

Then, Neria opened her eyes. The demon stopped dead in its tracks, looking at her. She grinned wickedly, aimed her staff right at the demon's chest and then laughed once.

"You will not kill me. Not now, not ever. Now die, and go back to where you came from."

Then, she shot the magic out of her staff and right into the demon's essence.

She really didn't see the demon die: the light from her spell blinded her. But when her vision cleared, all she could see was a patch of charred dirt. She smirked, and fell to her knees in weakness.

At the death of the rage demon, all of the burning trees sprung to life, and the bushels turned green.

Neria opened her eyes and saw this, and smiled. She laid her head against the ground. "It's done."

Mouse approached her, finally awake, with a desperate expression on his face. "Neria, you have to help me get out."

She sat up. "What do I have to do? And what did the demon mean by 'bringing him victims?' Explain."

Mouse sighed, morphing back to an human. "I used to lure souls into the Fade and feed them to the rage demon. But I haven't done that in so many years, Neria. You have to understand. I wouldn't do that to you. You saved me. You have to let me out."

Her head was swirling, her emotions rampant. Fear and anger towards him, yet compassion and pity for his fate. What was she to do now? He helped this far. What was to happen next? How was she to surely know that this wasn't another trick? That Mouse wasn't the demon she was to face? She had no idea.

"What do I have to do?"

"You have to will me out. You have to want me to leave. With all your mind and soul."

"It sounds as though you mean to possess me."

Mouse's eyes turned to a steely gray color, and his voice dropped into a low growl. "And if I do?"

"Then I cannot allow it." The fear in her voice was intense.

Mouse let out a shriek that would deafen anyone. "Perhaps I shall kill you then? Take your soul for myself? What will happen then, you filthy mortal!?"

"I…can't let you out…"

Everything within Neria's body and soul was screaming that she should give up and let him in. It was as though nothing else mattered, the only thing that did being Mouse's freedom

"Then maybe I'll have to kill you. I could do it in an instant you know: much, much faster than that pesky rage demon. He was nothing. I am everything here. Will you give in? Or do I have to kill you?"

She took in a lot of air, then exhaled it. "I cannot allow you in…"

He shrieked again, smacking her across the face and sending her flying into a tree.

"You are weak!"

Neria did not flinch at his hideous voice, but sat motionless on the ground and didn't give up her body to him.

Mouse stood then, and raised his arms above his head. He revealed his true form to her: his skin turned black and his eyes red, his hair disappeared and he was robed in purple garments. "You pass the test. Return now, and do not come back here."

Everything in Neria's sight began to fade to black, and the last thing she saw were the red eyes of the demon staring at her. Then, she fell unconscious.

In the Harrowing Chamber, Irving saw that her spirit had returned to her body. Cullen saw this as well and drew his sword, waiting to see if she would remain the way she was. Her breath was shallow, but normal. Her skin remained a lightly tanned tone, and her hair remained brown and drawn into various ponytails. They watched her for a few moments, and then sighed in relief. She had completed the Harrowing and her spirit was merely resting. Cullen sheathed his sword, and his heart leapt at knowing that she would continue to live in this beautiful state. Greigor and Irving turned to Cullen, and smiled.

"Return her to her room. She will need plenty of rest before awaking."

Cullen nodded, bent over and picked Neria up gently, then began walking towards the apprentice corridors. Irving stopped him.

"Cullen, take her to her new quarters in the mage corridor. It'll be the third door on the left side. Everything should already be in order there. Thank you."

Cullen nodded again, and turned towards the mage quarters.

While he walked, he watched her. Her complexion seemed to shine in the torchlight, and her hair flowed gently while he walked. She was light in his arms and completely limp, her arms lightly swinging with each step that Cullen took. Eventually, he reached her new room and laid her gently in the bed. He pulled the sheet up above her hips and softly ran his hand along her arm. He leaned his head down to her ear, a smile on his lips.

"I'm not sure you can hear me, but if you can, I'm so proud of you. I told you that you could do it. You're safe now. Don't be afraid. I'll be here when you awaken."

Cullen softly ran a hand across her cheek, brushing away stray hairs, and then sat back in a chair and awaited her awakening.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2: The Betrayal**

Hours later, Neria awoke to a room she didn't recognize. The torchlight was low and the room was silent. Cullen lay still beside her in a chair. The room was beautiful, the walls made of smooth stone slabs and a dimly candlelit chandelier hung over her. The bed was large and soft and the hall outside the room was silent and dark. It was a beautiful scene. Then, a thought passed her mind. She must have failed the Harrowing. She must have turned into an abomination and Cullen must have died in the act of killing her. She and Cullen must have been with the Maker now. Tears welled in her eyes at this thought, and she sobbed lightly. Cullen awoke to the sounds of her sobs and reached out, softly taking her hand in his.

"Neria? Neria, what is it?"

"Cullen, I'm so sorry."

He tilted his head. "Why's that?" He softly stroked the top of her hand with this thumb.

"I killed you. I killed us both. I'm so sorry." She bent her head down and cried, tears streaming down her cheeks.

He reached his hand down and lifted her chin, a curious smirk on his face."You didn't kill anyone except for that demon in the Fade. You completed the Harrowing, Neria. You succeeded."

"Then…where are we? What is this place?"

He smiled, and released her face. "You're in your new quarters, in the mages' corridor. You're a true mage now. Congratulations." A smile spread widely across his face.

She looked down for a moment, trying to recall what happened in the Fade. All she could remember was fire and heat, then a vicious pair of red eyes staring at her. She shivered, recalling this hideous picture. Cullen watched her eyes, his expression darkening.

"I can't imagine how frightening it must have been. I'm glad that you're safe."

She nodded towards him, then realized that his armor was absent. She had to stop herself from staring. He wore a thin, brown, linen robe tied at the waist by a rope belt. He almost looked like a monk. The fabric hugged against his body, showing off his defined chest and shoulders. "I...I'm glad too. I'm glad I got to come back and see you again."

Cullen noticed her stare, and softly smiled. This was the moment. "Can I tell you something, Neria?"

She reached up and brushed away a stray hair from her face. "What is it?"

He sighed, and took her hands in his. "After all these years in the Circle, watching you grow up and growing up with you, I've come to realize something. It's going to sound terrible, the way I'm going to say it but...well, it needs to be said. I want you, Neria. Very much. I'm sorry that I've had to hide it for so long, but you understand why, don't you? It's forbidden. But after the Harrowing and...and wondering if you'd even make it out, I realized that I don't really care about the regulations. I had to tell you."

Neria found her mouth gaping, and her heart racing. He felt the same way she did. She had suppressed her feelings for him for so long, trying to forget about him and focus on her studies. But it was impossible and she couldn't resist him. So she passed his post as often as she could, occasionally stopping to speak with him and make him smile the way she knew only she could. They had something here.

"You don't have to say anything. But I just needed you to know." He studied her face and ran his fingertip along the softness of her cheek.

She smiled and reached her hand up to his face, placing her palm against his skin. "I care for you too. More than you know, I think."

Hearing her say those words made his pulse race. Finally, he could kiss her and hold her like he'd always imagined.

He stood, pulling her up with him. He put his hands on her hips and drew her towards him, holding her there for a few moments. He then lowered his face slowly down to her. She placed her hands on his chest and met his lips with hers. It was the gentlest kiss that either of them had ever experienced. Cullen's hands gently roamed the curves of her back and shoulders, Neria's fingers tangled in Cullen's hair. Each of them had waited so long for this moment and neither of them wanted to end it.

After what seemed like an eternity, they stopped. He pulled back a bit and studied her face. He ran his fingertips over her cheek and sighed.

"By the Maker…" was all he could think to say.

She grinned, and kissed him.

There was a soft knock at her door and she looked franticly at Cullen. He pulled away from her and sat leisurely in the chair. She straightened her hair and opened the door. It was Jowan.

"Congratulations!" he reached out and hugged her tightly.

She returned it, equally happy to see him. "Thank you so much, Jowan!"

He pulled away and grasped her shoulders. "What was it like? You have to tell me."

She rolled her eyes. "You know I can't do that, Jowan."

"Come on! I've been your friend since the beginning of your time here, and you won't divulge a little secret here and there to me?" he sighed as she shook her head. "Oh, fine. I was sent to fetch you for Irving. He wishes to see you."

Jowan started to walk away, but Neria stopped him.

"Jowan? Thank you."

The sincerity in her voice caught him off guard. "You are welcome." He smiled, and walked down the corridor.

Neria closed the door and Cullen stood, taking her in his arms. "Do you have to leave?"

She nodded wearily. "I wish I didn't. But if Head Enchanter wishes to see me, I cannot refuse. I'm sorry I -" he kissed her, cutting her off.

This kiss was nothing like the previous that they'd shared. This kiss was filled to the brim with passion and desire, catching her off guard. His arms were strong around her torso, and he held her there for a few moments, and then released her. He grinned mischievously.

"Life's too short for silly apologies." He nodded at the door. "Go. I'll wait for you."

She pressed her fingers to her lips, smiled, and then exited the room. Cullen sank down in the chair and exhaled contentedly.

Neria had remembered where the Head Enchanter's quarters were, and found him in a matter of minutes. He was waiting for her. Behind Irving was another man, fully armored and holding a sword in a sheath. She looked at the man, wondering who he was.

"You sent for me, Head Enchanter?" She slightly bowed her head, keeping her gaze from the man behind Irving.

"Yes, my dear! Congratulations on the completion of your Harrowing. I couldn't be more proud."

She smiled. "Thank you, sir. It's an honor to finally be a true mage."

"We're honored to have you in our ranks. I present you with your mage robes, your staff, and a ring bearing the Circle Tower's insignia. Wear them with pride."

He handed her a floor-length green robe with golden embroidery, a smooth, wooden staff, and a silver ring. They were beautiful.

"Thank you, Head Enchanter. They're beautiful."

Irving smiled and took a step back, sweeping his hand to the side. "I'd like to introduce you to Duncan. He's a Grey Warden."

"A Grey what?"

The man chuckled once and stepped forward, holding out his hand to Neria. "A Grey Warden, miss. Pleasure to meet you."

Neria took his hand and shook it lightly, then released him.

Irving clasped his hands behind his back. "He's here searching for new recruits to join the King's forces. I told him your might be an impressive candidate."

Neria's eyes widened. "What? Why did you tell him that?"

Duncan put his hands up in defense. "Nothing is set in stone yet, miss. You have time to think. Do not worry."

"Do you think you could show Duncan to his room? It would give you both a chance to get to know each other." Irving smiled.

"Yes, sir. Where is his room located?"

"In the templars' corridor. It'll be the fifth door on the right side. Thank you."

Neria bowed, and walked out the door, Duncan close behind her.

They walked for a bit in an awkward, verbal silence. She, being used to complete silence while walking in the halls, was slightly annoyed by the clicking of Duncan's chainmail armor. After a bit, she broke the silence.

"So what do you do, exactly, Sir Duncan?"

He chuckled. "Just Duncan, please. You mean 'what does a Grey Warden do?' We fight against the darkspawn in the Blight. We are an elite force of warriors from all across the world joining together under one common name: The Grey Wardens."

"Wait, wait. The Blight? Darkspawn? What does that mean?"

They passed the library and took a flight of stairs up to the second level.

"Hopefully you'll see soon enough." he replied.

She quirked her brow at him, wondering why he was being so reclusive. After a few more moments, she looked at him again.

"So why recruit for the King's army? Why not the Grey Wardens?"

"The King's forces need mages moreso than the Wardens do. Although we can always use mages when defending the innocent."

"You will not _use_ me, Sir Duncan."

He shook his head. "You misinterpret my meaning, miss…I don't believe I know your name."

She looked at him from the corner of her eye. "Neria."

"Right, Neria. My apologies if I offended you. It wasn't meant that way."

She nodded, and approached Duncan's room. She entered the doorway and swept her hand to the side. He entered the room.

"Thank you for your assistance, Neria. If you have any more questions, you know where to find me." He smiled warmly at her.

She bowed to him. "Thank you for your time, Sir Duncan. Enjoy your stay at the Tower."

She exited his room and shut the door. She turned slightly, and saw Jowan standing in front of her. He looked panicked and nervous.

"Hello, Jowan. Are you alright?"

He wiped his hands on his sides. "Yes, I'm fine. Listen; can we go somewhere private for a moment? I need to speak with you."

"You seem nervous. What's going on?"

"Just come with me, please, Neria. I'll explain."

He led her back down the stairs and into the library. They went back into a corner and there was an initiate priestess there, dressed in Chantry robes. She smiled warmly at Jowan.

"Neria, this is Lily. Lily, this is the mage I told you about."

Lily held her hand out to Neria. "Pleasure."

Neria raised her eyebrow and took the hand, shaking it lightly. "Jowan, what's going on?"

He sighed. "Neria, Irving wants to make me tranquil."

She gasped. "What? That's absurd. He would never do that."

"It's true. I heard them speaking about it in the chapel," Lily pointed out.

"They think I've dabbled in blood magic. They think that making me tranquil will keep me in check, so they're going to do it tonight."

"And have you dabbled in blood magic, Jowan?" Neria raised her eyebrow.

He looked outraged. "Of course not! You know it's forbidden."

"Then I see not why you need me here." She started to turn around.

Jowan spoke up. "Neria, please. Even if I protest to being a blood mage, they won't believe me. You need to help me and Lily get into the Repository. I'm going to steal my phylactery and destroy it."

"Jowan, that's crazy. You'll get killed or kicked out of the Circle."

He looked at Lily. "See, that's the plan. I want to leave the Circle with Lily. We're going to elope."

Neria looked from Jowan to Lily, then back again. "What?"

"We're in love, Neria."

Neria's eyes widened, and she looked at them both. "You both know that's insane." Her tone was as icy as her gaze. Even so, something tugged at her heart. She felt hypocritical, calling Jown and Lily forbidden when she was fraternizing with Cullen.

Jowan was taken aback by her anger. "W…Well yes, we know that. That's why they think I'm a blood mage. I've been sneaking out of the apprentice chamber at night to see Lily. I guess someone must have seen me and thought I was practicing the forbidden arts."

Neria ran a hand through her hair. "I don't know, Jowan. You realize how much trouble you could get in? How much we all could get in?"

Lily spoke up. "I understand how hard it must be to decide. We can give you some time, if you desire it."

"Yes. I think that would be a good idea. Thank you."

Jowan reached out and took Lily's hand. "Please, make haste."

Neria turned around and went back up the stairs and towards her room.

Neria thought to herself while she walked. Was Jowan completely insane? He would surely get killed by templars for just breaking into the phylactery chamber. And who was this Lily character? She'd never seen Lily in the Circle before in her entire life, and then she turns up out of the blue with Jowan? And what about her? Neria was sure that she'd be expelled from the Circle for helping them to do this. It was completely crazy and stupid.

She passed Head Enchanter Irving's office, and he was busy at his desk. Then, a thought hit her. If she told Irving of Jowan's plan, she would be off the hook and Jowan would be able to see how unintelligent his choice was. No harm done. She approached the door, and knocked lightly. Irving looked up and smiled.

"Come in, child."

She entered the office. "Can I speak with you for a moment, sir?"

Irving removed his glasses and stood, walking over to her. "Yes. What is it?"

Neria took a great breath, and then released it. "Sir, Jowan is planning on destroying his phylactery. He's going to elope with an initiate named Lily. They asked for my help, but I told them I needed time to consider it. What should I do?"

Irving looked troubled. "This is…unexpected. Yet I am not surprised. You realize that we were going to make Jowan tranquil this evening, yes?"

"May I ask why, sir?"

Irving sighed. "The reason doesn't matter. What matters now is that we keep Jowan from hurting himself.

"What do you mean, Head Enchanter?"

Irving looked at her and smirked. "The magic contained in phylacteries can be very dangerous. Neria, you have to go with Jowan and make sure he stays safe. If that magic erupts, it could potentially kill both him and the initiate. But…I can trust my judgement in that you will not be taken by the magic. So I need you to go and accompany him. You have to keep Jowan safe." He clasped his hands behind his back and paced for a moment. "You must accompany them both to the repository and then deliver them to us. No harm will come to you, be assured."

Neria bowed slightly. "And…what about Jowan?"

Irving sighed. "I cannot say the same for him. Breaking into the repository is a top crime in the Circle, my dear. You know this. And considering relations with a priestess is a far higher crime. They will be dealt with accordingly."

Immediately, she felt her heart drop. "Please sir…had I known that it would get them in trouble I wouldn't have-"

"You would have gotten in greater trouble if you would have helped them and not come to me first, child. Do not worry. No great harm will come to him."

Irving returned to his desk and pulled out an amulet. He handed it to her. "Take this with you. It enhances your sense for magic. Wear it proudly and return when the deed is done."

She said nothing. She felt like she had betrayed Jowan by going to Irving. She knew what the punishment was for disobeying orders in the Circle. Either removal from the Tower, or execution by the Templars. But Irving would keep to his word, right?

Swallowing, she bowed again, and left his office, turning towards the stairs.

She passed the templar's quarters and Cullen emerged, smiling warmly at her. He took her hand and led her into a room, shutting the door. Then he pressed his lips to hers. She smiled and returned his kiss, holding him tightly.

He sighed. "By the Maker, I missed you."

She chuckled once. "I've not been gone that long, Cullen."

The way she said his name made his heart skip. "I know." He pushed his lips on hers again, pushing her against the door.

His eagerness took her off guard. Although she was eager to be with Cullen, now was not the time. Yet, she found it excruciatingly difficult to leave. His lips were hot and wet on hers, his hands roaming the curves of her body. She found herself lost in the moment and surrendered her body to the impulse, wrapping her leg around his waist and running her fingers in his hair. He placed his hands gently on her backside, lifting her off the ground and she wrapped her other leg around his waist, holding herself there. He pushed harder against the door, pressing his body against hers.

Cullen ached for her. All those years waiting and watching her in agony, never having his desire satisfied took a toll on him. Never touching her skin the way he most wanted to, never being able to press his lips to hers to show his desire. Now, he could. And that thought made his blood burn in his veins.

Neria assumed he felt he same way she did. She loved him deeply. She'd grown up with him watching over her, protecting her both from herself and from the outside. He'd helped her study and quizzed her on occasion. He'd grown into a very handsome man, and her affections had grown as well.

She recalled the nights that they'd snuck out and spent together, simply talking. He told her of his mother and father and how they'd been murdered by a blood mage, how he had vowed to never allow that again. She told him of her time with the Dalish before she was brought into the Circle, thought she could recall little of it.

She released her grip on him and sank to the floor, but did not part her lips with his just yet. She held his face tenderly, and lightly pressed her tongue to his bottom lip. Then, she backed away from him.

He smirked. "What's…the matter?" His breath was shallow.

She sighed and smiled. "I have a few errands that I need to run. Please don't be upset with me. I'll be back as soon as I can." She kissed him slowly, trying to pull away.

"Do you have to go?" He was muttering against her lips, his hands in her hair.

She backed away from him. "I'm afraid so. Wait for me." She looked at him and her eyes smoldered. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, disappointed. Neria opened the door and continued back to where Jowan and Lily were hiding.

She arrived before them shortly after. "I've made my decision."

Jowan looked at her eagerly.

"I've decided that I will help you."

Lily smiled and kissed Jowan on the cheek. "That's glorious!"

They lowered their voices and began to construct the plan of getting into the phylactery chamber. The doors leading to the chamber would surely be locked with magic and intricate locks. The plan was for Neria to use her newfound power as a true mage to release the spell on the door and let them inside. After that, all they had to do was search until they found Jowan's phylactery.

"Alright," Jowan said. "We'll wait for nightfall, and then we'll go." He turned to Neria. "Thank you so much for your help. You're a true friend."

Neria forced a smile. "Of course, Jowan."

Lily smiled, and Neria left them both, returning to her room.

**Thank you for reading! This is a story that I had begun a long time ago, and I haven't written anything new on it in a while. Reviews are eagerly welcomed! If I know people are reading it, maybe I'll be inspired to write more. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

Hours went by and Neria stayed in her room, silently practicing spells, wondering what would happen after Irving caught the three of them and, of course, she thought about Cullen. Why hadn't he come looking for her? She told him that she wouldn't be long. She didn't understand why he wasn't searching for her. Of course...it wasn't exactly his _job_ to search for her. She decided to go out and search for him instead, and hopefully suprise him. She got up and started towards the door.

As if on cue, there was a knock at the door to her quarters. She opened it and, low and behold, Cullen was standing at the door. He was unarmed and had on his robe. She smiled and sat on her bed leisurely.

He looked a bit distraught "Can I ask you something?"

She nodded, seeing the seriousness in his face. "Yes. What is it?"

He ran a hand through his hair and sat beside her on the bed, taking her hand and kissing her fingertips. "Do you truly care for me, Neria?"

She nodded reassuringly.

His face filled with anguish. "Then...why don't you want to spend time with me? I mean...I realize that you have things to do. But I just...want you so badly, Neria." His left knee started to bounce. "I can't bear being away from you."

She blinked, and released his hand. "Cullen, I do want to spend time with you. I have duties that I have to take care of. I'm sorry if you can't accept that. I want nothing more than to be near you, but I'm a mage. I things that I have to do."

"And I'm a templar!" he stood. "You think I don't have duties of my own? I'm supposed to be on duty right now, but I'm here with you. I made a sacrifice for you because I couldn't stand to stay away. If you don't feel that way," he turned his back to her. "then maybe this is as far as we should go."

She dropped her hand in her lap. "Cullen, do me a favor. Close your eyes."

He did as she asked and his eyes drifted closed.

"Now don't move, alright?" He nodded.

She stood silently and crept around to stand in front of him. She gazed at him for a moment and took him in.

He stood there firmly, his hands at his sides. His short and slightly curly hair clung to his head and met his five-o'clock shadow right below his ears. His lips were full and pink and his expression was frustrated. She looked longingly at his strong arms and chest and smiled. She approached him and pressed her finger to his chest, pushing him backwards towards her bed. He took a few steps back, and then fell backwards onto the softness. His eyes remained closed, but he had a playful smirk on his face.

"Don't open your eyes until I say, alright?"

He nodded. She went to her closet and looked for her most revealing nightgown. Once she found it, she pondered if this was the right choice. He seemed so upset, so angry with her that she wasn't as eager as he was to be with her. With shaking hands, she slipped on the nightgown silently and approached him on the bed. She straddled him without touching him once, and then directed him to open his eyes. He did and he stared at her, wide eyed.

"By the Maker…" he ran his hand along her neckline and chest.

She leaned down and drew in a shakey breath. "I do care for you. More than you understand, Cullen, and I'm sorry that I haven't spent enough time with you. I have until nightfall to spend now, if you desire."

He shivered. "I desire nothing more."

He stretched up and pressed his lips to hers tenderly, then wrapped his arms around her and they escaped into eachother.

Just before nightfall, they lay in silence. Cullen's expression was that of a satisfied child, and he was grinning ear to ear. Neria was lying on his stomach, softly stroking his bare chest, her thoughts swirreling. He ran his fingers through her hair and kissed the top of her head.

"You are so beautiful." He smiled down at her.

Neria turned around on her back and kissed his neck. "I'm glad you think so." She smirked.

He smoothed his hand over her hip and lifted her onto his chest and stroked her cheek with his finger.

"Thank you." he muttered.

She nodded, and they lay in silence until nightfall. Then, Cullen told her that he had to return to his post, or risk being kicked out of the Circle. She agreed and shortly after that, he left. She got dressed then, putting on her mage robes and pulling her hair into various ponytails. Should she have done that? He had no idea that he was her first lover. He'd taken control so quickly, and moved harder than faster than what she'd hoped for. Even so...he seemed happy enough when they finished. She shook the regrettful thoughts from her head. Cullen loved her. She was being foolish. She grabbed her staff from the corner and placed Irving's amulet around her neck, then headed off to meet Jowan and Elisa.

Jowan and Lily were waiting impatiently in the chapel. Neither of them had any weapons or armor, but their determined expressions made Neria a bit more comfortable. When she arrived, Jowan grunted.

"Where have you been? I told you we were meeting at nightfall! We were getting worried."

She put her hands up in defense. "Relax, Jowan. I had…something else I had to take care of. It matters not." She turned to Lily. "Are you ready?"

Lily smiled. "Yes. I've never been more prepared. My heart is filled with prayers that the Maker will protect us. I trust that you won't let us down, either."

Neria nodded, and they trio made their way down toward the repository. They passed templars on duty and they gave the three of them harsh looks. Their pulses raced with anxiety as they made their way down the stairs and to the unguarded hallway leading to the chamber. As they had suspected, the door leading into the hall glowed with a faint blue light: there was a spell that barred the door. Lily and Jowan turned towards Neria, expecting her to know how to release it.

Neria approached the door and pressed the tip of her staff to it. She closed her eyes and sensed that this barrier was made of arcane energy. She smiled; this was her specialty. She started uttering incantations and spells to release the seal. Jowan and Lily stood back a few steps and watched her warily. After what seemed like hours, the blue glow started to fade. Jowan's face lit up.

"That's it, Neria! You're doing it! Keep it up."

"Jowan, shut _up_!" Neria's voice was strained and weak. This magic was stronger than anything she'd ever encountered. It drained her to release this spell, but eventually she did. She fell on the ground, incredibly weak from her efforts.

Jowan bent beside her. "Are you alright?"

Neria nodded. "Yes. I'll be fine." She started to stand, bracing herself on her staff.

Jowan opened the door and swung it open, but stayed back. He expected there to be soldiers or templars behind the door, but there was nothing; just halls and doors leading to the phylacteries. They entered the door and gazed around them. The repository was much larger then they had expected. There was a faint blue light emitting from a small fire lit in the corner to illuminate the area, and there were doors lining the walls. Suits of armor stood motionless beside each door. There was a staircase leading up towards another door. They approached the first door on the ground level and opened it.

As soon as the door budged, they heard a deafening shriek. Neria leapt in front of Jowan and Lily, watching for any movement. Suddenly, the suit of armor beside them sprung to life, smashing Neria in the stomach with its mace. She choked and flew into the opposite wall. Lily yelped and rushed to Neria's side while Jowan stood in front of the armor and began to attack it. He had no weapon, of course, and his rampant punching didn't have any effect.

It took Neria a few moments to get back up. Her breath had been knocked out of her body and she struggled to regain it. Once she did, she sprinted to Jowan's side and knocked him out of the way, bashing the armor across the head with her staff. The armor toppled to the ground and the shriek came again. Neria summoned arcane energy into her staff and stood over the armor. She shouted and punctured the helmet, sending the energy through it and destroying the spirit that was inside.

The shrieking ceased and the armor disintegrated at Neria's feet. Jowan looked at Neria as if she were a savage beast, but a smile spread across his lips.

"That…was incredible! How did you learn to do that?"

Neria was breathing heavily, but she swallowed and smirked at Jowan. "It comes with experience, I guess."

Jowan swatted her in the shoulder playfully and they chuckled, entering the door.

They searched relentlessly through each phylactery, looking for Jowan's tag on any of them. It was to no avail. They exited the room and started to move onto the next one, but Jowan froze and his entire body seemed to shift towards the top of the staircase in the corner of the room. It was a robotic movement and it worried both Lily and Neria. Neria approached him and placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Jowan, what is it?"

Jowan started to walk, completely entranced with whatever was at the top of the stairs. The frantic pulling from Lily and Neria on him didn't stop him from walking up the stairs and to a small vanity sitting in the corner. He bent over, and picked up a small vial of blood.

"This is it…" His voice was nothing more than a whisper.

Neria turned to Lily, then back to Jowan. "How do you know?"

"I can just tell…It's funny." Jowan chuckled, and ran his fingertip over the glass. "How something so small can decide my destiny. Isn't that funny?" He smirked, and then the vial slipped from his fingers, smashing on the floor. Just before it did, Neria silently summoned a shield of arcane magic around the three of them to protect them from whatever powers were contained within Jowan's phylactery. Neither of them seemed to notice.

The blood began to smolder and smoke, and Jowan's eyes widened as it seeped into the floor, gone forever.

"Finally! Finally free, Lily!" He took her in his arms and kissed her briefly, then hugged Neria warmly. "Thank you, Neria. Thank you so much."

Neria hugged him back, but her heart ached endlessly. They would return upstairs to see Irving waiting for them. She felt heavy with guilt and the feeling of betrayal. She said nothing, but patted Jowan on the shoulder.

"We should really get back," Lily said, looking warily at the suits of armor at the base of the stairs.

Jowan and Neria both nodded, and they exited the door leading to the phylactery chamber. Neria placed a weaker spell on the door, but enough to fool anyone who may pass by it.

They went back up the stairs and through the door leading to the main hall. Neria stayed behind the other two, pleading with the Maker that the punishment awaiting them wouldn't be too terrible. Jowan and Lily were holding hands and he was speaking to her about their plans and where they would go, what they would do. She smiled and listened happily to him and Neria's heart ached within her chest. Then, she felt a warmth emanating from the amulet that rested around her neck: There was powerful magic approaching. They traveled no more than ten feet when Irving approached them from the front. Jowan's expression dropped and Lily gasped.

"Jowan." Irving's tone was calm and collected, as was his expression. "I see that you must have enjoyed your visit to the repository. It was a success I assume? You destroyed your phylactery?"

Jowan was speechless and he looked at Neria desperately. She hid her face from him. Greigor and three other templars were right behind Irving, their weapons close at hand. Greigor was furious.

"Lily...there is no excuse for this! You assisted a blood mage into the phylactery chamber _and_ he destroyed his phylactery. If he gets out, we will know who to blame." he spat, glaring in Lily's direction. "I am officially stripping your initiate status, and you will be sent to Aeonar."

Lily's eyes widened. "No...Not Aeonar. The mage prison? Sir, please! Anything but Aeonar!"

The templars began to approach Lily and she backed away desperately. Jowan took a step in front of her and stood firm. "Don't take her away! It wasn't her idea, it was mine. I'm the one you want."

One templar grunted, shoving past him. "Blood mage, do not stand in my way."

Jowan's expression was crumpling and he became infuriated. "No! I won't let you touch her!"

Jowan pulled a dagger from his belt and sliced open his hand, blood spurting out. He shouted and spoke an incantation that neither Irving nor Neria had ever heard. Jowan sprayed blood at the templars, Greigor, and Irving. The force of the blood magic sent them flying and knocked them out. Lily shrieked, backing away from him.

"Jowan! What have you done!?"

Neria rushed to Irving's side, cradling his head in her hand. She looked to Jowan, then back to Irving. What just happened? Was that blood magic? How could Jowan have done something like this? After all the reassuring and the earnest truths, Jowan betrayed her trust and used blood mage on the Head Enchanter, and the Knight Commander of the templars. He had lost it.

Jowan approached Lily, covered in blood. "I admit…I dabbled. But... I was going to end it as soon as we got out of the Circle. Please, Lily. I love you. I did this for you. For us."

Lily shook her head, her expression mortified. "You lied to me. You told me...you promised me...I...I'm not going anywhere with you. I don't even know who you are…you…blood mage!"

Jowan reached out a bloodied hand to her. "No! Get away from me!" she smacked his hand away.

Jowan looked at his hands and sprinted from the main hall, ashamed of what he'd done to hurt her. Lily sank to the floor and cried. Neria helped Irving to his feet once he had recovered, and Greigor and the templars stood as well.

"Irving, you fool! Now we have a blood mage on the loose and no way to track him down! And you?" he pointed at Lily. "Get her hout of here."

Neria stepped forward. "No, Greigor, don't. She didn't have anything to do with this. She didn't know Jowan was a blood mage."

Lily shook her head. "I appreciate your concern, but don't bother." She stood up and looked towards Greigor. "I accept any punishment you see fit, Knight Commander. Even...even Aeonar."

The templar took her by the arm and led her out of the hall. Neria let go of Irving once he was stable enough. She shook her head.

"He lied to me. You…" She looked at Irving. "You lied to me." Her voice was no more than a whisper. "You told me that nothing would happen. You told me they wouldn't be punished severely. Aeonar? The prison where you send mages who have broken out of the Circle? Blood mages and Maleficar? Irving, that's _more_ than severe!"

Irving took her hand gently. "I had no choice."

Neria yanked her hand from his, absolutely mortified. He lied to her. Irving, Head Enchanter of the Tower of the Circle of Magi in Ferelden….had lied to her.

Greigor grunted. "You _dare_ to comfort an assistant to a blood mage, Irving? She's no less guilty than that Chantry priestess!"

Irving released her. "Yes, but she informed me of their plans far before any of it took place. She had no idea that Jowan was a blood mage."

"It matters not. Who knows what kind of evil rubbed off on her from that blood mage? I won't have her corrupting the apprentices in this tower. She's going to Aeonar as well. Men?"

"I believe I can take care of this." Duncan's voice boomed down the hallway as he approached.

They all watched as Duncan walked confidently down the hallway. His expression was determined and once he stopped, he looked meaningfully at Neria, then to Irving.

"Duncan? What do you mean?" Irving raised his eyebrow.

"I mean I'm going to take her under my care. I am not only here to recruit for the King's forces, but also for the Wardens. She is whom I have chosen."

"_What!?_ This mage breaks into the phylactery chamber, assists a blood mage in _destroying_ his phylactery and she gets rewarded? This is insanity!" Greigor threw his hands up in frustration and began pacing.

Duncan placed his hand on Neria's shoulder. "I take her under my wing, Head Enchanter."

Greigor pushed past Irving and stuck his finger in the air towards Duncan. "No! I will _not_ allow this! You have no authority in this tower, Warden. She is going to Aeonar that it final!"

Duncan smirked a bit at Greigor, pushing his hand away. "Actually, I do. If you will not give her willingly, then I hearby invoke the Right of Conscription. You have no choice, Knight Commander."

Irving approached her as Greigor shouted obscenities at Duncan, and smiled weakly. "Be proud, my dear. You will do great things."

Neria said nothing. She wouldn't even look at him.

How could Jowan do this to her? After all the years they'd spent in the Circle together, all the secrets they divulged to each other, all the trust they'd developed? It was completely gone now. He'd lied to her about one of the worst things that he could do. Jowan was a blood mage. Neria could barely stand to think of it. And Irving! How could he possibly see justification in lying to her? He was Head Enchanter, a trusted leader of the mages, and he was a liar as well. Neria closed her eyes, holding back tears.

"Come, Neria. Get your things." Duncan said after Greigor had stormed off. "We leave as soon as possible."

Neria returned to her room shortly after that. Her face seemed to be stained with the tears she was shedding for Jowan. Never had she expected this from him. He was her friend and he betrayed her. She'd never felt anything this painful.

She found her backpack and began to pack up her clothes and personal belongings. Tears dripped off her face and onto her clothes while she worked. Just before she was finished, she heard a knock on the door to her room. She went to answer it and felt instantly relieved. It was Cullen. She brought him inside and threw her arms around him. He didn't return the hug, however.

"I'm so glad…that you're here, Cullen." She was speaking between sobs.

He said nothing and he backed away from her. She tilted her head. "What's wrong?"

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I must confess something to you, now that you're leaving and everything."

She sat down on the bed and wiped her nose on her sleeve. "Yes?"

He cleared his throat. "Listen, there's no way that I can make this less painful for you, so I'm not going to try and weaken the message. I've discovered something about the way I feel about you. I've discovered that I don't care for you as much as I thought I did. I…I just wanted to touch you and feel you and…" his voice trailed off.

"You…wanted to use me?" Neria continued, her heart skipping. "You told me all that to get me…in _bed?_" her voice cracked.

"Well, to be truthful in this, I never told you I was in love with you, Neria. You simply assumed that." he said, a small smirk on his lips. "Now, I didn't _want_ to use you the way I did, but I couldn't bear to wait any longer. You understand, don't you? You just…you don't matter that much to me anymore."

She blinked and chuckled harshly, looking at the floor. Cullen betrayed her as well? He used her and stabbed her in the back just like Jowan had? She felt dirty. Stained. Like she was tainted by her stupidity and immaturity. Her head was swirling and she couldn't think straight. The only thing that she knew was that she had to get out of the Circle Tower, away from all this betrayal and hatred that she was feeling and away from Cullen. She swallowed any tears that she may have cried for him and looked him dead in the face.

"Get out," was all she could say.

He nodded, looked at her with pity, and then exited her room without another word. She finished packing within a few minutes after that and just as she finished, Duncan knocked on her door.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes." Her voice was stony and unfeeling.

Duncan nodded, and they set out for Ostagaar.

When they left the Tower gates, a single tear leaked out and ran down her cheek, staining it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 3: The Joining**

Ostagaar was a small ruin, but also one of the most important; Ostagaar temporarily housed Ferelden's king. King Cailen was young and so was his wife, Queen Anora. Her father, Teryn Logain, was not fond of Cailen but he said nothing about this to Anora. Logain was head of the guard in Cailen's castle and he led them faithfully to the King. Ostagaar, of course, was not the permanent residence of the King, but was where he tented while he waited for the battle to begin.

Duncan and Neria traveled for days to get to Ostagaar, having little food and using water from streams or creeks. They camped out in fields at night and said little to each other along the way. Neria refused to speak about her past with Duncan; she was trying desperately to forget about the Circle, about Jowan and Irving, and about her heartache from Cullen. She forced herself to focus on the road ahead.

Upon arriving at the ruins, Duncan finally began speaking to Neria. He explained their situation and what was to happen from here. When they entered the gates, Cailen himself greeted them.

"Ho, Duncan! I'm glad you're back."

Duncan's eyes widened. He took the King's hand and shook it. "Your Majesty! I didn't expect a -"

"A royal welcoming?" Cailen laughed. "How could I not personally greet one of the Grey Wardens? And this…" he swept a hand toward Neria, "Your new recruit, I assume?"

Neria bowed her head to the king. "Neria, sir."

Cailen smiled and nodded at her. "A mage. We can always use more mages in our ranks."

Neria's eyes narrowed. "You will not _use_ me, sir." Her tone, again, was icy and unwelcoming.

Cailen was taken aback by this. "Well, of course. All I meant was that the fear you instill with your great power will be very good for us." He smiled and turned back to Duncan. "The darkspawn will fall at our hand, and this Blight will end before it even begins."

"Your Majesty, do not underestimate them. They have more strength than you realize."

Cailen's expression dropped slightly. "_You_ need more faith, Duncan. Can we even be sure this is a real Blight? There has been no appearance of our famous archdemon, has there? And yet you and all the other Grey Wardens are walking on eggshells day and night." Cailen sighed and smiled wearily. "Ahh, but more talk of this later." He clapped his hands together and turned towards Neria. "Explore Ostagaar for now, but I'd like to have you at our militia meeting later this evening. Duncan, I'll see you later."

Duncan bowed to Cailen and the King strode off with his attendants.

Duncan turned to Neria as they began to walk. Neria didn't meet his eyes. "The King is…strange."

Duncan chuckled once. "He is young, but he has a strong will. I fear that will is not what will win this war, though."

"It seemed to me that he didn't take the darkspawn as much of a threat." Neria looked at him out of the corner of her eye.

"He knows not of war. He is inexperienced and is still learning. I assure you, the darkspawn are a force to be reckoned with." They stopped in a small archway leading to the city. "I suggest you seek out Alistair. He's one of the newest Grey Wardens and a dear friend of mine. He'll show you around the city. Once you find him, come and find me. I'll tell you about the Joining."

Neria looked at him and tilted her head. "Joining?"

Duncan raised his hand and shook it. "Later. Go find Alistair."

With that, Duncan turned onto a different rode and strode away. Neria looked around her, and then continued on the road she was on.

She walked for a while and took in her surroundings. The whole entire ruin was made of stone. It was bland and uninviting, yet the bustle of people and voices around her kept her interested. There was barking in the distance from the kennels, mages were in the Fade practicing their magic, and templars and knights were sparring outside the castle gates. She looked at all these things with dead eyes, looking but not really seeing. Her mind was swimming with thoughts of Cullen and Jowan which she tried desperately to expel. That was the past. She had to look towards the future. She approached the kennels on the far side of the ruin, and the kennel master looked distraught.

"Poor thing won't make it another day like this…" the man had a deep voice.

"What's wrong with him?"

The kennel master turned to Neria and sighed. "Afraid he contracted the darkspawn taint in battle. I've tried to help him but there's only one herb that'll do the trick."

"Where's his master?" Neria looked at the dog with sympathy. "And what kind of dog is this?"

"Well, it's a Mabari. They're war dogs, highly intelligent. We use them on the battlefield more than anything else, excellent fighters. His master was killed and their bond was broken. See, Mabari imprint on their owners. It's a bond that they share and the Mabari know that this is their master, no other. But this Mabari's bond was broken when his master died. Not that it really matters. This guy will die too if we don't get him that herb."

"Is it possible for him to imprint again?"

The man nodded. "Yea, I suppose it's possible. Care to assist me for a minute?"

Neria tilted her head. "What do I have to do?"

"Well, we need to get him muzzled. It'll be easier to treat him if there isn't a risk of him biting our hands off."

"And you want _me_ to do it?"

"Well, yea. You seem capable and good with animals. You're an elf, right?"

Neria rolled her eyes. Again, people honed in on the fact that she was an elf. "Alright. Give me the muzzle."

The man handed her the muzzle and she entered the kennel. She found the dog and he whimpered when she approached him. He backed away and growled at her only for a moment, but then bowed before her with respect. She slipped the muzzle over his mouth and petted him for a bit, then exited the kennel. The kennel master chuckled.

"He respects you. That's good. Maybe we can imprint him on you."

"I've no interest in a dog right now. What's the herb that you need?"

The man ran his hand up through his hair. "It grows only in the Kocari Wilds, usually around marshes and swamps. It's very distinctive, brilliant white petals and a blood red center. If you happened to find one on your travels, bring it here and we'll see if we can't help this big guy out."

"Okay…white petals, red center. I'll see what I can do." She began to walk away.

"Thanks for all your help, miss!" the man called after her.

Neria walked for a while after that, up a stone ramp and a few sets of stairs. She heard arguing going on by the entrance to the castle. She approached the two men arguing and saw that one of them was a mage. The other was a soldier. Her heart instantly ached when she saw him. He looked painfully like Cullen.

"_You don't matter that much to me anymore."_

The man's arms were thick under his splint mail armor, his chest broad and seemingly muscular. He had an incredibly cocky look on his face, five o'clock shadow and blonde hair combed neatly to the front, slightly flipping up at his bangs. His lips were pink and a little bit chapped, and his eyes were deep brown.

She turned her back on the men and waited for the arguing to finish. When the mage stormed past her muttering to himself, the other man approached her from behind, a grin on his face.

"So heartwarming how a Blight brings everyone together, isn't it?"

Neria turned and looked at him. "I know what you mean." Her mind flashed to Jowan and Cullen yet again, and she shook her head to expell the thoughts.

"Wait, you're Duncan's new recruit, right? Sorry, I should've recognized you earlier." The man smiled.

"How could you have recognized me?"

"Well Duncan said he was getting a new recruit. I figured when a robed mage approached, armed and ready, that it must be you. I'm sure glad it was you, and not that other mage just now." He chuckled, then looked her up and down. "I must admit, I didn't expect one like you, though."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she raised an eyebrow.

"It's just…we don't have many women in the Grey Wardens. I wonder why that is…"

For once, it wasn't because she was a elf. She smiled in spite of herself. "I assure you, I can handle myself better than most."

He chuckled. It was a rich sound that seemed to fill the ruins. "I'm getting that impression. I'll be sure not to get in your way. I may have been raised in the Chantry, but I'm no fool. So Duncan sent you, right? We're supposed to meet him. He has a job for us. I'm Alistair by the way."

"Neria." she replied.

He snapped his fingers and smiled. "That was the name."

He strode off in front of her, his armor clinking while he walked. She followed him distantly, her eyes on the stone beneath her feet.

They found Duncan a while after that. Alistair had shown her around the ruins, given her a tour of the camp and showed her the outskirts of the Kocari Wilds as well. He had spoken the most during that time, she remained silent and cold. She had no desire of getting close to this man. She didn't dare get hurt like that again.

Duncan smiled as they approached. There were two other men there, likely the other recruits that Duncan had found.

"Welcome back, Neria." Duncan turned to Alistair and frowned. "We can begin the Joining process now. That is, if you're done riling up mages, Alistair?"

"Hey, I wasn't the one that started threatening with magic. The Revered Mother set me up anyway. The way she wields guilt…they should stick her in the army!"

Duncan furrowed his brow.

Alistair paused, and looked down. "Ahh, right. I apologize."

Neria was surprised at how much respect Alistair gave to Duncan. It wasn't what she'd expected, given his cocky attitude.

Duncan clapped his hands together. "Tonight is your Joining. But before that task is accomplished, you must complete a smaller task here. You will journey into the Wilds to find-"

"What?" The man standing beside her, Daveth, interrupted him. "We're going into the Wilds? That's insanity!"

Neria spoke up. "It's not. The Wilds are nothing compared to what lies ahead. Don't be a coward."

Daveth smirked. "This coming from an elf woman," he muttered.

Neria snarled and caught the man by the throat. "_What_ did you say?"

The man threw his hands up in defense. "Nothing! Nothing, I…I'm sorry!" he was choking under her grip.

Alistair dove on Neria and ripped her arms off of him. "What are you doing?" She thrashed against his grip. "Calm down!" He held her hands behind her back.

Neria kept a furious gaze at the man, but calmed herself internally. Then, Alistair released her. She shrugged him away and walked from the group, turning her back on them but still listening.

Duncan cleared his throat. "Daveth, that's enough. Neria, calm down." He continued. "You will journey into the Wilds and collect three vials of darkspawn blood."

The other man, Jory, spoke in a soft voice. "Why would we need darkspawn blood?"

"For the Joining. It's essential for the ritual. There is something else as well." Duncan began to walk back and forth. "There was once a tower where all Grey Warden recruits would stay until their Joining. This tower housed some important treaties that will aid us in the upcoming Blight. You will seek out these treaties and retrieve them. But I must warn you, the last man that went to that place was killed. Be wary."

"A Grey Warden was _killed?_ Maker's breath, are you trying to get _us_ killed!?" Daveth growled.

Neria turned around. "Will you _stop blubbering_?" her words were quiet, but menacing.

Daveth quieted himself but glared at Neria. She turned her back again.

Alistair watched Neria worriedly for a moment, then nodded to Duncan. "We'll be as fast as we can, Duncan."

Duncan nodded. "Watch over your charges, Alistair. Return quickly and safely."

The three recruits and Alistair set out shortly after that. Alistair gave them all some time to get supplies and prepare themselves. Neria had already gotten all the supplies she needed from the Tower. She strayed from the ruins to a large bridge that looked out over the Wilds.

The bridge was worn and much of the stone had been broken and eroded by war and time. She leaned on the bridge and looked far into the distance, her mind wandering. She closed her eyes as the wind hit her face and swore that she could smell Cullen on the wind. She choked back a tear or two and when she opened her eyes, Alistair was standing beside her with a concerned look on his face.

"Are you alright?"

She peeked at him from the corner of her eye. "I'm fine."

He shook his head. "No, you're not. That blow up on Daveth? What was that about? I mean, sure he can be a bold-faced idiot, but that's no reason to choke the man. Is there something on your mind?"

For some reason, Neria felt the need to divulge to Alistair all that had happened in the past few days. She wanted to pour out her heart to him and actually let herself feel the pain. But…that was foolish. There was no reason to tell this human about her problems. Revealing herself would be completely stupid and unnecessary. Instead, she got defensive and snapped at him.

"Perhaps you'd like to hear my life story instead? I mean, we must be the best of friends now, right? I've known you now for what, three hours? That's _obviously_ an invitation to pry into my deepest thoughts and emotions." her eyes started tearing, her emotions running high. Yet, she persisted. "Perhaps you'd like to hear about my own ridiculous heartache and betrayed soul so you can cope with your own bloody lifestyle? Why, you've probably killed mages and hunted down apostates, smiting them with your mighty blade and spilling the blood of all those who opposed you. You are a mighty _templar_ after all!" she spat.

Alistair's eyes widened as she exploded on him. He'd never seen a woman so upset. He felt sorry for her, in a way. Even so, he felt insulted. She was screaming at him and accusing him of things he'd never done. He'd never killed a mage. He wasn't even a true templar; Alistair had never taken his vows. But still he felt some sort of need to comfort her. Obviously, she was hurting.

"Or perhaps…" her voice dropped into a whisper. "A heart-break is where you find your satisfaction for other's suffering. Well, Alistair…" she turned to him, her eyes red and puffy. Her voice grew low and menacing. "You'll receive no such satisfaction from me."

"Neria…" he reached out and rested a hand on her shoulder.

She lashed out and grasped the hand, literally throwing it from her. Alistair took a step back from the force of the throw.

"Don't touch me, you filthy human!"

She stormed away from him, wiping her tears on her sleeve. Alistair stood there dumfounded, his hand still reaching out to embrace her.

Neria felt foolish. She had practically told him everything in that little blow up. She chastised herself in her head, telling herself that her wounds were not his concern. She had no reason to tell them to him. She was angry at all humans. They treated her kind like trash anywhere she went. Truly, this act of kindness on Alistair's part was some cruel joke to get her to show her vulnerability. That way, he'd find a way to exploit her weaknesses later on and make her look the fool.

The other three men caught up with her after that. Alistair gave her a wary glance, but said nothing. He spoke to the guard at the gate, and he opened it. They traveled into the Wilds shortly after that. The Wilds weren't dense, but the fog that shrouded them was unnerving. There were distant howls and growls from animals, clicking of insects and the sound of wind rushing through their ears. They passed a swamp, and Neria spotted the flower that the kennel master had described. She picked it, and continued behind the group.

Neria kept a firm grip on her staff the entire journey, staying in the back of the group. Alistair was in the front, and Daveth and Jory were on the sides. Neria's survival skills far surpassed those of the other three, as she had trained in the Tower to understand the movements of animals in their habitats. When a group of wolves approached from the eastern side, she was ready far before the rest were.

"Wolves," she whispered. "To the east."

The group turned and began to attack once the wolves were visible. Neria's instincts kicked in and she dove on one of the wolves, whipping her staff hard enough against the wolves head that its neck cracked and it died. The others took care of the rest. While she watched them, ready to lunge at any moment, an arrow hit her hard in the shoulder. She yelped and turned around, seeing a large darkspawn Hurlock standing upon a boulder along with many others coming right towards the group. She looked at Alistair just as he looked at them, and he sighed.

"Darkspawn!" he called to the group. Jory and Daveth turned and their eyes widened at the sight of them. Then, they attacked.

Jory swung his mighty sword with two hands and caught a Hurlock by the neck, slicing its head clean off. Then he continued onto the next one, blood spraying everywhere. Daveth was all about quick jabs. He had already killed three of the darkspawn and a wicked smile was spread across his face. Alistair was shouting and grunting, surrounded by three darkspawn far from the group. Neria rushed to his side, assisting him in killing them.

She had a deadly glare in her eyes as she caught the Hurlock that shot her by the throat, choking him with her bare hands. She threw it to the ground and began smashing into its head with the butt of her staff, each blow fueled by arcane energy. She killed it so brutally, so mercilessly…it seemed that only this brutality could release her anger. She closed her eyes and clenched her teeth, hitting it harder and harder, feeling its blood spray onto her. Silent tears leaked down her face.

"_You don't mean that much to me anymore."_

Somewhere far away, she heard the frantic calling of her name, but she had no time to deal with that. She was killing darkspawn. Then the voice started getting closer. She felt someone pulling on her arms, yanking her away from the bloody pile that was once the Hurlock. It was Alistair.

"Neria, stop! It's dead, it's dead!"

When she opened her eyes, her vision was blurred and she was shaking. She dropped her staff and fell against Alistair's torso. He held her there for a moment while she cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. Then he lifted her to her feet and, without hesitation, took her by the shoulders to steady her. He tried to look into her eyes, but she avoided his gaze. In the distance, they heard Daveth calling Alistair's name. Their short battle had been victorious.

Alistair didn't release her upon hearing his name. Neria stood strong, but felt weak. Her heart was aching all over again. For what reason? These were darkspawn, not Jowan, or Cullen, or Irving. She sobbed hard, but quietly. Alistair looked at her, his heart aching for her pain.

"It'll be alright. Whatever this is…you'll be alright."

She shook her head furiously. "No, no, no…" she whispered repeatedly.

"It only takes time. I promise you. It'll be alright."

Alistair released her caught her gaze. He saw a pain that he wouldn't dare try to pry at now. In time, he would muster the courage to tackle this subject with her, but now all he could do was comfort her. It was obvious to him that she didn't trust him, perhaps all humans. Or perhaps it was because he was a man?

He blinked. _That_ was the look he saw in her eyes; heartbreak. But…what could he do? Growing up in the Chantry, he knew nothing of how to treat a woman other than to respect her and be undeniably chivalrous. Perhaps that was all she needed?

Neria stared at Alistair with rage in her heart. But even so, being close to him somewhat comforted her brokenness. She sniffed hard and wiped her eyes on her sleeve, putting on her mask of normalcy once again. He smirked.

"You don't have to fake for me. And…just so you know." He released her. "I can see that you are hurting, and…"

"Please…" she interrupted, holding up a hand. "Just don't talk about it…. Please." She kicked her staff up into her hand, then walked past Alistair without another word.

He sighed heavily and sheathed his sword, following her. When they got back to the group, Daveth was grinning proudly and Jory was storing the last vial of darkspawn blood.

"Excellent. Now all we have to do is find those documents. Then we can get back to Ostagaar."

Just as Alistair said his last word, Neria saw a blur of black and white in the trees behind her. She swung her staff, blasting the blur with arcane energy, stunning it long enough for her to catch its arm. It was a woman.

"Let go of me at once!" she shook her arm violently.

"Who are you!? What are you doing here?" her grip tightened on the woman's wrist. She shrieked.

Alistair approached them and took Neria's hand from the woman, allowing the blood flow back into the woman's hand. She wiggled her fingers.

"'Tis I who should be asking you this. Tell me, are you thieves? Vultures, picking amidst a corse who's bones have long been cleaned? Or simply intruders, come into these darkspawn filled Wilds of mine in search of easy prey?"

Alistair looked at the woman and smirked. "And just how-"

"We go where we please, witch." Neria cut him off. "We are Grey Wardens and you will do well to tell us where the Grey Warden tower is."

Alistair eyed Neria warningly. The woman chuckled.

"I suppose that you would want to know because of the treaties that once resided there? They are there no longer."

Neria took a step towards the woman and Alistair grasped her shoulder. Neria growled in her throat. "Where are they?" Her eyes narrowed at the woman and Alistair tightened his grip.

"'Twas was my mother that took them. I can take you to her, if you'd like."

"I don't know if that's a-"

"Please do. We need the treaties." Neria cut Alistair off again.

He squeezed her shoulder angrily and she shrugged him away.

Daveth backed away from the group as well as Jory. "She's a witch of the Wilds, she is. She'll boil us in a pot or…or turn us into toads!"

"Nobody's getting turned into anything. Don't be a coward." Neria hissed

The woman smirked and began to walk, the group following close behind.

They arrived later at a small hut, able to house no more than two people and a few belongings. The woman called out for her mother and she emerged from the hut shortly after that. She had a grim smile on her face, her skin wrinkled and her hair was grey and frazzled. She looked nothing like her daughter, young and beautiful with skin as white as the clouds in the sky, black hair and yellow eyes, beautiful curves and a stunning complexion. The mother approached Neria, who was standing in front of the group, and smiled.

"Greetings...mother. I bring before you four Grey Wardens who-"

"I see them, girl. Hm. So nervous, hmm?" she muttered, looking towards Daveth.

His eyes widened. "I...I'm not nervous!"

Flemeth laughed and clutched her side. "Ahh, so. Come to see old Flemeth in the Wilds, hmm?"

Alistair's eyes widened. "So it's true. You...You're the witch of the Wilds?"

Flemeth laughed. "Some call me that. Others Flemeth, as I said. Also Ashabellanar. An old hag who talks to much." she teased, a grin twisting her face. She turned to her daughter. "Morrigan, go and check the pot. If it boils, put the rest of the stew together for me."

Morrigan did so, and disappeared into the hut.

Neria rolled her eyes. "My patience grows thin, witch. Do you have the treaties?"

Flemeth turned back to Neria, her expression angry. "Those are some manners, girl. You dare to address this old witch in such a way?"

"We have a duty to accomplish and we need to be back. I need you to give me the documents."

"And if I were to refuse you?" Flemeth raised her eyebrow.

"Then we would take measures that need not be taken, woman. Your daughter said that it was you who took them. Please return them to us at once."

Alistair eyed Flemeth cautiously. It was bold of Neria to speak to her this way. If this woman really was who she claimed, she had to be very old and very powerful.

Flemeth stared at Neria long and hard, then began to chuckle. "You can have your treaties, Warden." She reached into a pocket in her robe a pulled out a roll of papers held together by a rope. Neria grasped them, but Flemeth would not release them.

"We'll meet again soon enough." She smiled, her yellow teeth gleaming. "I look forward to it." Then, she released the documents.

Neria snatched them, and began to walk away. The other three followed warily, and Flemeth watched them until they were over the hill and out of sight.


	6. Chapter 6

Later, back at Ostagaar, they found Duncan and presented to him their findings: three vials of darkspawn blood and the Grey Warden treaties. He nodded approvingly and took the items. Then, he turned to Alistair and began discussing the Joining.

"It will take some time for me to prepare. This evening will be best, no later than dusk. It will be held at the old temple. Make sure they are prepared, Alistair." Duncan gave Alistair a look and raised his eyebrow.

Alistair nodded knowingly. "They will be prepared."

Duncan nodded, and looked at the recruits. "The Joining will take place tonight at dusk. Alistair will find you when it is time. In the meantime, I suggest you all rest and try to relax." Duncan bowed to them then, and smiled. "Until then, my recruits. Maker guide you." Duncan took the vials and headed off into a place which he called 'The old temple.'

The hours before the Joining were excruciatingly long, though few. Jory and Daveth went to the makeshift tavern to drink while Neria gave the herb to the Mabari trainer, then went back to the bridge and looked out over the Wilds. Alistair helped Duncan to prepare for a while, but eventually found himself with nothing to do. He wandered the ruin for a while, but then saw Neria standing alone, looking out over the Wilds. Again, he felt a tug at his heart. Should he talk to her, or just let her be? There was something in her heart, festering there and tearing her apart. He felt as though he had to find out what. Why, he didn't know. But he had to speak with her.

He approached her on the bridge, but stayed out of arms reach of her. She sensed his presence, though her eyes were closed. She took a deep breath, then opened her eyes and stared ahead of her. Alistair was taken, for a moment, by the shine in her eyes. Elven eyes were larger than humans since they'd lived in the woods many, many years ago. Alistair hadn't seen many elves in his time, so when he looked at her eyes he had to take a moment to appreciate them. They shined dark blue in the dusk lighting and he stared for a moment, and then pulled his eyes away.

"Why are you here?" she said softly.

Alistair wondered for a moment. "A pep-talk? You are about to go through the Joining, after all."

She chuckled, but didn't smile. "Why are you _really_ here, Alistair? I know you were watching me."

"I think you know why I'm here."

"I've said all I'm going to say now, Alistair. I suggest you leave it be." She breathed in deep again, and smirked slightly. "Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live out in the Wilds? To be free and not have any rules or regulations, no Blight to worry about, no challenges? Just…freedom."

He nodded lightly, and looked over the bridge as well. "Yes. I have wondered that."

"I used to be part of the Dalish. I used to have that freedom, back when I was a child. I would run all day through the forests and bathe in the creeks and rivers. I had no worries…at all." She sighed and shook her head.

"And now?" Alistair said in a low tone.

"Now…everything is different. I lived in the Tower almost all of my life, Alistair. I knew nothing of the outside world, other than the few years in the Dalish clan. All I knew was magic. I knew every mage and every…templar by name."

"…Who was the one that broke you?" Alistair challenged.

Neria snapped her head towards him and he thought she might scold him again. She simply sighed, closing her eyes and looking down. "I don't want to talk about it.

Alistair took another step towards her. "It might help."

Neria scoffed. "How would it help? I can't change the past. I can't change my memories or my emotions. I can't change someone else's betrayal."

Alistair thought for a moment, but then reached out and lay his hand on her shoulder.

"It does matter, Neria. Listen, you may not be a Grey Warden yet, but that doesn't mean that we don't care about you. I care about you, Duncan cares about you. We don't want you to be hurting. You…you can confide in us. In me."

She closed her eyes and tears ran down her cheeks. She shrugged Alistair's hand off her shoulder and crossed her arms over her chest. She still had so much rage, so much anger in her heart. Alistair sounded genuine. Maybe she was wrong, thinking that he'd try to exploit her weaknesses. She far from trusted him, but she respected him for what he was doing, or trying to do.

They stood there for a long time and she cried harder than she ever had. Alistair had no intention of leaving until she ordered him to do so. Instead, he stood next to her at a distance. She hadn't called him filthy yet, so that was a good start. When she was done, she uncrossed her arms and looked up at Alistair. He smiled down at her and patted her on the shoulder. She smirked sheepishly, but it still lit up her face like a fire. He marveled in the beauty of her elven features for only a moment, and then swept a hand to the side, leading her to Duncan and to the Joining.

The daylight seemed to melt into dusk in the half hour it took them to find Duncan. He had retreated into a remote part of the ruin and sat alone. Alistair, Daveth, Jory, and Neria all approached him as he sat, still and motionless. There was a small goblet on a table beside where he was sitting. Duncan stood, and Alistair backed away slightly.

"And now the time has come," Duncan said. "Now you will continue the tradition that was passed from the oldest of the Wardens; the tradition of consumption of darkspawn blood."

Davath and Jory's eyes widened. Neria stood motionless, though the blood in her veins began to race with anticipation.

"W…We're going to drink it? Doesn't that give us the taint?" Daveth asked shakily.

Alistair stepped in. "That's what makes us Grey Wardens. If we have the taint in us, we can sense the darkspawn. It's why we're so important. It…binds us to them, in a way. It's what leads to our victory over them."

Duncan nodded. "Yes. I will not lie to you. It is possible that you will die in the consumption of this. But it is a risk that you must take. There is no turning back from this." Duncan walked to the table and picked up the goblet.

"Few words are said before every Joining, but these have been said since the first. Alistair?" Duncan looked to Alistair and bowed his head.

Alistair looked pained, and bowed his head as well. "Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us here in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us in the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. And know that one day, we will shall join you." He closed his eyes.

Duncan stepped forward then, walking towards Daveth. "Step forward, Daveth."

Daveth walked forward then, taking the goblet from Duncan and pressing it to his lips. He took a sip of the darkspawn blood, then handed the goblet back to Duncan. A few moments later, his hands started shaking. He began to grunt and shake, his entire body going into convulsions. Then, the screaming began.

It wasn't a scream in his voice; it was much higher pitched and shrieking. He fell to his knees, his eyes white, and reached a hand up to Duncan with a pleading expression. Duncan watched Daveth, his eyes even.

"I am sorry, Daveth." Duncan passed him, leaving him to die.

A moment later, Daveth collapsed on the ground, his mouth foaming slightly. The taint was too strong for him.

All the while, Jory had drawn his sword and was slowly backing away from the rest of the group. Duncan approached him, the goblet in his hand.

"Step forward, Jory."

Jory shook his head wildly. "No…You…You ask too much. I have…a wife and a child on the way…Had I known…"

"There is not turning back." Duncan's tone was icy and cold.

"S…Stay back!" Jory took his sword in hand, swinging it towards Duncan.

All within a few seconds, Duncan drew his sword, countered Jory's attack, and plunged his blade into Jory's heart.

"I am sorry, Jory."

Alistair turned his face away as Jory's lifeless body fell to the ground.

Neria watched in horror, bile rising in her throat. This could be her last moment. This could be the moment of her death. She looked over at Alistair, whose eyes were closed, his lips moving silently, as though he were praying.

Duncan approached Neria. "You are called upon to submit yourself. Step forward, Neria."

She stepped forward and took the goblet, drinking what was left in it.

Immediately, her mind started swimming with darkness. Her body began to ache, and the bile that rose in her throat came up when she vomited. Then, darkness overtook her. The only other picture she could remember was of a large, black dragon perched upon a mountaintop, its emerald green eyes peering into her soul.


End file.
